Relationship Chameleon


A relationship chameleon is what I call people who incorporate or absorb the likes and dislikes of the person they are currently in a relationship with. I understand that it’s important to have things in common with the person you are with, that’s all fine and dandy, but it’s not ok when you start to neglect your own opinions and ideas and start incorporating theirs as your own. A small example of this is switching your favorite football team to the one your partner likes. Seems harmless enough, but if you find yourself doing this too often you might be losing yourself in the relationship. A good example of what I’m talking about is in the movie Runaway Bride, when the character played by Julia Roberts can’t decide on her favorite way of eating eggs, because it changed with each relationship she was in.

Over time, I saw this happen first hand to a close personal friend of mine. My friend is American and in her early 50’s and was married to a man from Chile. At first, it was great to see her so happy and in love. She began to research the country that her husband was from, so much in fact, that she knew more about his country than he did. Although it was admirable that she took that much interest in her husband, the change was dramatic. Slowly she began to abandon her beliefs and likes and adopt his. She picked up his habits, his hobbies, and even began to talk with an accent like him. I wanted to punch her in the throat and snap her out of it, but I wasn’t interested in spending time in jail. Basically, she became completely absorbed in everything that had anything to do with him, yet even then I didn’t see anything too wrong with her behavior.  It wasn’t until I noticed that the more absorbed she became with him, the more she distanced herself from her friends and family, until his world was all she knew. Still as long as she was happy, right or so I thought.

It wasn’t until years later when their marriage ended, that I realized that her interest was not sincere. Once they were divorced it all ended, the interest was no more. Then, she began to date a man from Mexico and started to display the very same obsessive behavior again; I realized then that she was a relationship chameleon. She basically re-invents herself with each new relationship in hopes that it will make her more appealing to her partner.

Having something in common with someone you love is wonderful, it definitely brings you closer together as long as it’s truly sincere. Getting to know your partner’s likes and dislikes shows them that you value their opinion and that you are truly interested in their life and in their point of view. Where things get a little hazy is when you start becoming a completely new person with each new relationship. Ultimately forgetting who you truly are, this breeds contempt and unhappiness. So be true to yourself, because your flaws and quirks is what make you interesting and an individual. It’s probably the reason why your partner was attracted to you, and why they fell in love with you to begin with.  Be you, be crazy, be unpredictable and love who you are, if the object of your affection isn’t interested, then  simply say “Next”!

Whether you agree or disagree with me I’d love to hear your opinion and input, so feel free to comment.



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