I see my life as a journey, at times it has been very challenging and other times very rewarding. Even though I am far from a professional poet, I do find writing very therapeutic. When my emotions are flared up, I tend to write to express my inner turmoil and when things are going great I tend to write to express my inner peace. Throughout my life I have written many short stories, poems, and even songs. I find that writing helps me put things into perspective and express what I am feeling at that particular time. The following in a few poems I have written over the years, each one was written either during a high or a low point in my life. It’s funny how when I read them again, I immediately get transported back to that moment and all the emotions I felt then are re-visited. I now share these moments with you. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did writing them.
Years ago when I too was new
I set out to prove to the world
what I was sure I could do.
Young, stubborn, and over confident
there was no plan I simply had no clue
A young mother of three,
no father just me.
My small family was all that mattered.
Time passed and life grew harder.
Tears love and laughter I scattered.
Like seeds in a garden they grew,
from small needy boys to men strong and true.
The oldest strong confident and steady
the one I leaned on the most,
even though at times he did not seem ready.
The second made of gold,
my shoulder to cry on
my heart he does hold.
The youngest witty and sharp
my funny bone, my smile,
my laughter through the dark.
A blessing from above
I blessing I was never truly worthy of.
My one true purpose my greatest accomplishment.
My children my pride my crowning achievement.
As I stand on the edge
Toes wrapped tightly around the ledge
I look down into the darkness, black as coal.
I see it threatens to engulf my heart and soul.
Should I give in?
Unclench my toes & leap right in?
After all my struggles I begin to see I have brought this agony upon me.
The choices I have made will not let me be
They have returned to haunt me.
Who should I blame for my pain?
There are so many I could blame
That I fear I will go insane.
But, to blame one I must blame them all
The truth is this was my call.
Where do I go from here?
I refuse to shed yet another tear.
I know I must have a plan
To deal with this problem at hand.
Only then will I be able to unleash my heart and soul
From this darkness, black as coal.
I must weigh my pros and cons
Make my decision and then wait for the dawn.
Hopefully the dawn will bring piece of mind
So I never again find myself in this bind.
I have now learned from my mistakes.
All that’s left for me to do
Is to apply what I know is true
For now I know what’s truly at stake.
Hold me close and don’t let go;
I’m so scared to be alone.
I’ve been by myself for too long,
And always had to be strong.
Now I only want to rest;
And lay my head on your chest.
Hold me close and don’t let go;
These wars I fight no one knows.
Now whisper how you love me,
Say it tender and softly.
I am weary and soon will sleep,
But with you no longer will I weep.
So hold me close and don’t let go,
For I never want to be alone.
Confusion and Despair
You made me want what you knew you could not give me.
You reignited the love we once had
but now there’s only heartache dwelling within me.
I understand you’re sorry and I’m flattered that you care.
But at night when I reach for you, you are not there.
I don’t understand how you forgot about me
and all the wonderful moments that we share.
But you chose a life without me.
and that was more than I could bear.
Despite all the pain you caused me,
I swallowed my pride and begged you to stay.
But you refused and walked away.
You walked away from a love so sweet and deep.
Devastated and damaged I did nothing but weep.
You chose to embark on a new life devoid of me.
I never imagined I’d be so easily forgotten and replaced, you see.
Although you made your choice.
Now you have realized that you have no reason to rejoice.
For letting go has proven to be more difficult than you anticipated.
Memories of me infect your mind and heart
Because the love we share has never dissipated.
I know this is not what I desire you see.
For what I truly want, you refuse to give me.
But I can not deny the passion that rages in my heart.
Although I don’t have all of you,
But compared to nothing for now I will settle for just this small part.
Soon, I will require more.
To be the only one is what I long for
I know I will love you ’til the day I die.
But I’m quickly realizing
That chances are, I will end up in the arms of another guy.
You say you love me
You claim you care
You said you’d never leave
And that you’d always be there.
But I’m now stuck in the “what ifs?”
I feel as though I’m standing at the edge of a cliff.
Although you mean the world to me
I no longer hold you and you no longer hold me.
I’m having trouble getting through.
‘Cuz I’m so scared of the hurt that will eventually come from you.
I know the risks that I will take.
I just pray I am not making yet another mistake.
The hardest part is dealing with this love I still hold for you.
A love so strong, fortified and true.
You gave me back my desire to love again.
A need that I once thought was gone.
But through the lies and secrets something has gone terribly wrong.
Now once again we are apart.
I feel incomplete and broken.
Confusion and sadness fill my heart.
Was it all lies, every word that was spoken?
The Girl in the Mirror
I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a girl who is staring back at me.
I don’t know who she is,
Because she’s not the girl I wanna be.
She puts a smile on,
While inside she is falling apart.
She says, “I’m okay”,
As pain fills her heart.
She pretends not to care,
And dismisses everyone’s worries away.
She hides behind her mask,
And pretends to be okay.
Truth is that she is scared to open up,
She is scared to let them in.
They all turn out the same,
Never really caring in the end.
She is scared to let people close,
It always ends up as heartache.
When she decides to trust someone,
It always ends up as a big mistake.
She feels like a stranger in her own mind,
Like she doesn’t even belong.
She tries the best she can,
But something always seems to go wrong.
She freezes up at the word “love”
People throw it around too much.
Her muscles constrict,
because she is afraid to be touched.
She has ideas for the future,
Hopes and dreams of her own.
But she doesn’t hold her breath,
Because disappointment is all she has ever known.
She asks, “Why am I never good enough”,
“Why am I always second choice”?
People tell her she’s got to stand up for what she wants,
She’s got to find her own voice.
I know who I wanna be,
It’s all now so much clearer.
But the fact of life is,
I’m only this girl in the mirror.